1. Show her a picture of your amazingly fast car. This cannot be a doctored picture. You have to have more than 4 pictures on your phone with you in it in different locations. That’s when she’ll believe it’s actually yours and not a cool car parked on the side of the road that you took a picture of. A more tactful way of putting this is asking her to go with you to the car dealership and asking if they have a spare part for said amazingly fast car. Then she’ll look at you in shock and say, ‘You own a Nissan Skyline GTR??!!’ That’s your cue to go ahead and tell her how it is one of the fastest cars in the world.

2. Tell her which street you live on. Or which area/hill you built your mansion on. If she hears that you own property on Kensington Palace Gardens or have a mansion in Beverly Hills, she’ll be more inclined to give you a second date. Don’t just stop at telling her that you own this property, show her pictures. With you in it. Lots of pictures in different rooms.

3. While you’re into showing pictures, make sure that some pictures of you with famous people slip in. So she can say, ‘You know Paris Hilton?!’ And you’ll go on to tell her that you actually know she is quite smart and pretends to be dumb. Make sure all these famous people are hot too. You don’t want to slip in a picture of a not good looking sports personality.

4. Talk about your exes. While you might think this is bad advice, let me explain how. If all your exes have names that are synonymous with Cover Girl, Maxim, and Sports Illustrated, she is bound to think she does not deserve you. So you’ve only dated models, so what, now you want to settle down and find a real beauty who doesn’t have the drama the catwalk brings with it.

5. Offer to pay her rent for a year. Your reasoning is pretty simple. You’re a world class traveler who is also a member of the Presidential Club (remember to act surprised when she actually knows what that club is) but are tired of hotels. So for the one weekend a month you’ll be in her town, you’d like somewhere to stay. She should be delighted that her rent will be paid for the year even if you only have to use her digs three times in a year.

6. Offer to buy her a more comfortable car than the one she’s currently driving. Casually slip into the conversation that a Range Rover Sport car will not make a dent in your resources anyhow. Or if you’re lacking in tact (as if the previous points have any), ask her what she thinks of an Audi Q7 for her mother. Yes, her mother. Because you have to show that you can not only take care of her but her entire family too.

7. While we’re talking about relatives, make friends with her sister and send her pictures of Prada handbags so her sister can choose which one she’d like. When her sister says she’d like shoes to match the handbag, go ahead and ask if she’d like trendy or classic shoes. Having dated models, you know the latest trends in women’s fashion. Show it off.

8. Ask her how much land would cost and if she’d like to buy it for the both of you. Don’t mind that it’s the first hour you just met, tell her you’ve fallen in love with the country and would like land for both of your developments. She needs to know how serious you are so she can be yours forever.

9. Mention all the places you’ve travelled to in the world. Yes, more than once, you just met this girl so she might be deaf. Talk about the ice cream in Milan, the chips in Brussels, the cold in Germany and the beauty of Brazilian women. All in the same breath too. Namwe, mubeere mu class!

10. Now gentlemen, listen very carefully to this point. This is the make or break of whether this girl allows to be kwana’d or not. In fact, take out your notepads and take notes. You ready? Show her your bank statement. Now you need to be careful how you do this. These are the steps:

• Ask her to take out a calculator if she has one
• Show her your mini statement from the ATM
• Ask her to add up the total transactions on there
• Then ask her to tell you how many days those transactions were made in
• For her to get the full effect of your turnover, ask her to convert that to shillings
• With a flourish, remind her that it was only 10 days transactions that had that turnover
• Now make her calculate that for 30 days
• Then the cherry on top, pull out all your other cards from your other bank accounts and remind her that this was only one account.

P.S. The views expressed in this article are not the author’s but are a mere observation from the author’s past experiences.

P.P.S. The author may not have been kwana’d with these tactics, but the author is sure some poor girl out there will be impressed and go home with you. Or marry you on the spot.