Does size matter? I met a 5-and-a-half year old boy who was such a delight to talk to but he went on and on about soccer the cuteness started to wear off. That’s not the point. Here’s an excerpt of a conversation I had with him:

Him: You look like one of my girlfriends.

Me: One of them? How many do you have?

Him: 13. (I later found out that there were 13 girls in his class)

Me: 13! Wow! How do you get time for all of them? You must like one more than the others.

I was clearly aghast at this. How does a child that age know anything about size and image? How does a thin 5 year old girl be a better choice than a healthier 5 year old girl?

All my life I’ve been skinny and had people trying to feed me to a point where I’ve developed an unhealthy self image. I want to gain weight. I look at full figured women and I envy them. I walk into a shop and try on a dress that turns out too big for me and I hate myself. Not that much, I realise wallowing in self pity is futile, but I still would like to be bigger.

There are lots of things that people do to you and you don’t really notice or seem to care. But when you think back, they actually carry a lot of meaning. I went out to a posh restaurant with a bunch of my female relatives. You know, girls bonding and whatnot. So this other lady who is a distant relative walks up to our table and greets everyone but me. She completely dismissed my existence. Maybe I’m just not remarkable, or she didn’t think she knew who I was but I didn’t think much of it. Until I remembered that my family had hosted her when she was still in college and she clearly knew me. I thought back to how we were at that table (and maybe by ‘thought back’ I mean over thought the situation) and I realised that she must have thought I was some kid she’d never met. Clearly the me she knew was a full grown woman by now. You know, kinda like the other girls at the table.

So to answer my initial question, size does matter. Whether it’s to show that you’re a powerful woman who can be respected and not just a child playing dress up at work, or even to merely get a second glance from that hot guy across the room. Yes, being African the men will seldom check out a skinny girl. The important part is in whose eyes does your size matter. My mother wants me to be a full African woman, and so do well all my peers. Foreign men want me to stay the way I am because in their culture I’m attractive. In my eyes, I’d rather look like Crystal Newman than Seanice Kacungira. To be fair they are both gorgeous women, but after years of being told I’m too skinny, I envy Crystal’s curves. Ok, enough griping about this body image and on to my ‘before’ picture.