Carlotess’s Blog

It’s been a while since I updated, seeing as I have eleven parts of these lessons. So I just might post many at once. As a refresher, here are George Washington’s Rules of Civility and Decent Behaviour in Company and Conversation. And this is what I will be teaching my sons:

41. Undertake not to teach your equal in the art himself proffesses; it savors of arrogancy.

I appreciate how many of these lessons involve humility and respect for others. Mommy has a tendency of arguing about something she’s only vaguely aware of when others ‘profess the art’ so don’t follow in her footsteps. Listen to what the doctors and professors have to say and then form your own opinion.

42. Let thy ceremonies in courtesie be proper to the dignity of his place with whom thou conversest for it is absurd to act the same with a clown and a prince.

The use of slang must strictly remain with your peers. Other people cannot possibly interpret what you are saying to them if they are not in your age group. Use courteous words like ‘sir’ or ‘madam’ when speaking to someone of high esteem and not ‘gwe guy’ like you would to your friend.

43. Do not express joy before one sick or in pain for that contrary passion will aggravate his misery.

All I can say about this is I believe I’ve taught you better.

44. When a man does all he can though it succeeds not well, blame not him that did it.

Appreciate others’ efforts even if they don’t meet your expectations. Blame will not get the job done and a thank you will go a long way.

45. Being to advise or reprehend any one, consider whether it ought to be in publick or in private; presently, or at some other time in what terms to do it & in reproving show no sign of cholar but do it with all sweetness and mildness.

Sometimes, an eye is all you need for someone to know that they are doing the wrong thing. Naming and shaming will not do anything for a lot of people, so it would be better to save their dignity and reprove them in private as opposed to embarrassing them in public.

46. Take all admonitions thankfully in what time or place soever given but afterwards not being culpable take a time & place convenient to let him know it that gave them.

Don’t argue with your teacher when they try to show you something wrong, even if you feel they are in the wrong. Take a breather to think about the situation and evaluate it. If you feel you have been wrongly admonished, let them know.

47. Mock not nor jest at any thing of importance break no jest that are sharp biting and if you deliver any thing witty and pleasant abstain from laughing thereat yourself.

Laughing at your own jokes makes you a douche and girls don’t like that. But more importantly, do not crack jokes at another’s expense. ‘Do unto others what you would like them to do unto you’. Words of wisdom.

48. Wherein you reprove another be unblameable yourself; for example is more prevalent than precepts.

Do as I do is the right way to go, not do as I say as is common. It is better to lead by example. Would you take me serious if I told you alcohol was bad for you and yet I drank myself? Exactly.

49. Use no reproachfull language against any one; neither curse nor revile.

I know you adhere to this rule, because I raised you better.

50. Be not hasty to believe flying reports to the disparagement of any.

And be not hasty to spread these flying reports yourself, even if you feel they are from the correct source. In all things, remain blameless, especially when it comes to gossip.

I don’t look at this as a list of DON’Ts, it’s more a guideline for if you don’t know what to do in a situation. Like the situations below:

31. If any one far surpasses others, either in age, estate, or merit yet would give place to a meaner than himself in his own lodging or elsewhere the one ought not to except it, so he on the other part should not use much earnestness nor offer it above once or twice.

If you’re sleeping over at someone’s home and they offer you their biggest bed, you should politely decline. Of if that someone gets up from the head of the table and offers you the seat, politely decline. But if he insists, don’t make him beg you more than twice, just take whatever is offered with gratitude.

32. To one that is your equal, or not much inferior you are to give the chief place in your lodging and he to who ‘tis offered ought at the first to refuse it but at the second to accept though not without acknowledging his own unworthiness.

Basically it’s like a dance you do in refusing an offer and offering a greater offer. Just keep in mind who is senior in age and stature, and not to patronise them if they don’t accept what you’re offering but let it go.

33. They that are in dignity or in office have in all places preceedency but whilst they are young they ought to respect those that are their equals in birth or other qualitys, though they have no publick charge.

To cut it short, respect your elders.

34. It is good manners to prefer them to whom we speak before ourselves especially if they be above us with whom in no sort we ought to begin.

Mommy has learnt this the hard way with her being opinionated, but you’re young and can still be formed to hold your peace and listen to others. Especially those older than you, even if you do not agree. Listen to them and then speak your mind after. You might miss out on some nuggets of wisdom if you rush to offer your opinion first.

35. Let your discourse with men of business be short and comprehensive.

‘Nuff sed. Don’t you just hate long-winded emails that shroud the point?

36. Artificers & persons of low degree ought not to use many ceremonies to lords,or others of high degree but respect and highly honor them, and those of high degree ought to treat them with affability & courtesie, without arrogancy.

Don’t over praise dignitaries, while at the same time treat your servants with courtesy and not arrogance. Don’t mind the spelling, the 1800s were formative years for the English language I think. I could have just made that up.

37. In speaking to men of quality do not lean nor look them full in the face, nor approach too near them at lest keep a full pace from them.

Nowadays ‘men of quality’ have bodyguards and your walking too close to them might be seen as an affront and you’ll be shot. So keep your distance children and keep a humble posture at all times.

38. In visiting the sick, do not play the physician if you be not knowing therein.

Your advice to a sick person might actually kill them because people in a weak state will listen to anything to get better. So if you’re not a doctor, hold your peace and sympathise instead.

39. In writing or speaking, give to every person his due title according to his degree & the custom of the place.

Some people might be offended if you do not address them correctly. Address and ambassador as ‘Honourable’, a prince as ‘Your Royal Highness’, but most importantly know the army rank of whatever army person you’re writing to. They take these things seriously and will not take you seriously if you give them a wrong rank. This applies to any forces, be it police, air force, or marine.

40. Strive not with your superiors in argument, but always submit your judgment to others with modesty.

Our ‘superiors’ are a special breed, especially in thinking they know more than you do. So in whatever you do, do not argue. Instead, give your opinion and let it rest. You might be the wiser by not raising your voice or esteeming your opinion above another’s.

This is going to go on for another week so fasten your seatbelts.

21. Reproach none for the infirmities of nature, nor delight to put them that have in mind thereof.

Laughing at the handicapped is not how I raised you. You know that God made each and every one special so don’t point out others’ disabilities or infirmities. Don’t even smirk to yourself, it could have happened to you.

22. Show not yourself glad at the misfortune of another though he were your enemy.

You know the Bible teaches us to love even our enemies so treat them with love at all times. No matter how badly you feel about someone, it’s not fair to laugh or joy at their misfortune. Misfortune can befall anyone and you don’t want to end up being the one laughed at.

23. When you see a crime punished, you may be inwardly pleased; but always show pity to the suffering offender.

In other words, don’t be the one running to lynch a thief caught in the act. You may alert someone to the crime, but feel sorry for him because whatever the mob will do to him is not worth his crime. I don’t know if you’ll be lawyers or police officers but keep this in mind if you choose to be either.

24. Do not laugh too loud or too much at any publick spectacle.

Be mindful of others’ embarrassment or shame and don’t mock them. If something bad is happening publicly, do not be a part of it. This includes bullying at school. You must never be part of the children picking on another because you are a gentleman and gentlemen behave themselves wisely.

25. Superfluous compliments and all affectation of ceremonie are to be avoided, yet where due they are not to be neglected.

Gushing is unnecessary and just makes you seem too eager. A compliment in season is more than enough to voice your opinion. You may however show joy when something good has befallen a friend but don’t overdo it.

26. In pulling off your hat to persons of distinction, as noblemen, justices, churchmen etc. make a reverence, bowing more or less according to the customof the better bred, and quality of the person. Amongst your equals expect not always that they should begin with you first, but to pull off the hat when there is no need is affectation, in the manner of saluting and resaluting in words keep to the most usual custom.

I’m going to have to buy you hats and teach you how to bow to people of stature so that this rule may apply in your life. Bottom line, be respectful.

27. ’Tis ill manners to bid one more eminent than yourself be covered as well as not to do it to whom it’s due likewise; he that makes too much haste to put on his hat does not well, yet he ought to put it on at the first, or at most the second time of being ask’d; now what is herein spoken, of qualification in behavior in saluting,ought also to be observed in taking of place, and sitting down for ceremonies without bounds is troublesome.

Don’t hint for people to leave when they’ve come to visit, or offer them their coat. Especially when they are older than you or important people. On the other hand, if someone offers you your coat and asks you to leave, don’t dilly dally. Honour the host and be on your way. The same applies to if they’ve invited you to eat, or to any function.

28. If any one come to speak to you while you are sitting stand up tho’ he be your inferior, and when you present seats let it be to every one according to his degree.

I like this rule very much because it distinguishes even the most respectful of men. Don’t you ever stay seated when someone comes to greet you, even if you’re just at a coffee shop. Stand up and show them that you were raised right. When it comes to ladies, stand up when they are going to sit and offer to pull their chair for them, stand up when they are leaving the table and hold the door for them.

29. When you meet with one of greater quality than yourself, stop, and retire especially if it be at a door or any straight place to give way for him to pass.

Squeezing yourself in a corridor with an older person is unseemly. Let them go through first and then follow. The same applies to someone who you think might be of more importance than you, no matter how much you despise them. I need not say that this rule applies to all ladies at all times.

30. In walking, the highest place in most countrys seems to be on the right hand; therefore place yourself on the left of him whom you desire to honor: but if three walk together the middest place is the most honorable; the wall is usually given to the most worthy if two walk together.

I don’t need to add anything here. Business dealings will go way smoother for you if you treat others with this level of respect, even if you feel they do not deserve this respect. You catch more bees with honey than with vinegar.